Tygran-Harrock

Finally a day where I'm happy and not moping around! I went camping last night with some friends, and met a beautiful girl that is almost a perfect match for me. After satying up all night, cuddling and talking, I'm happy! I feel loved again! and the fact that I slept only an hour on the hard ground and couldn't move my shoulder for most of the day doesn't even matter! I know it's kinda stupid to say that this feeling of love is what  makes me happy and not able to recognize my suicidal thoughts, but I dont care because it does!

Thoughts of suicide still racing through my head... sat down outside last night and asked myself, "what am I doing?" I'm throwing my life away, and I realized this as I took a drag of my cigarette and and a drink of the Mike's hard in my other hand. Then I asked myself, if I'm really doing this to myself, do I have anything to look forward to other than death? I found one thing so far, and that's a cub. Tygran and Foxxy are having another cub, naming her Dakotta Renea, Dakotta after one of my good friends known as as Kotta. So I have something going, but I'm still marked as "at risk"

In my last entry I kinda made it sound like my friends don't care when I'm contemplating or attempting suicide, I want to apologize. That was wrong of me because I do know that my friends care, I just feel even worse know what I put them through when I get like this... So I'm going to leave it to my friends, and their opinions... I feel bad for what I put them through with my posts being a cry for help, so please, if I should continue putting out my cries for help, say so, if not, say it. Either way you decide, just know that I love my friends I hate myself more than normal after I see what my cries for help do to them... so this might be my